The first step in sasural
(I am strictly talking about how it actually feels and totally not how it should be .)
In an arranged marriage a girl and families passes through a lot of things . Begining simply lacks emotions . Both the parties have their parameters and the best fixed is final . May be over the time there can be a development of emotions towards the guy to be but not to anyone else beyond that in the hearts of both the parties .
It’s like Not Mine
You enter the first step and it feels so awkward. There is no alternative to smile . You really have no idea whether it’s actually good or bad it’s just awkward . People behave their own way but you have to behave not your way but their way . You are in the mid of a severe transition . The long and hard earned identity seems to be overtaken .You suddenly have to be Seeta from Geeta .
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The two Mums
Though the other one is nice yet is she my mum , I mean really ?? 🧟But since you were born you had one mother . And you were always told that mother is one who brought you to the world , who raised you and who eats only after you eat 🤱👺😞. It’s so much difficult to call the mother-in-law as Mummy
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The customs, beliefs and rituals unknown
You had a different life style . You had a different biological clock . Yes of course you know that one should respect the culture and beliefs of everyone but losing ones and following others (even if you don’t like)is actually like killing ones own identity and personality built in these 20–30 years . All hard work of my parents and teachers went in vain , a single moment of step in other world expects you to change completely .🙄🤕🤦
Didi to Aunty
Suddenly you are being called as maami , chachi , aunty , bhabhi , taai
🥵😷😷🤢. You still don’t know how to wear saree and you feel like you have turned grey so soon . No more pampering . No more late mornings , no more haaa haaa hee hee . You can not go to the roofs for first few days .
Be a make up box
No matter how many tears you had shed in your Bidaai , the moment you step out of car you had to put aside those feelings and check on your make up . Everybody especially the ladies who themselves look like rat and cat ( I don’t have any intensions of commenting on the looks of anyone , just intend to convey the emotions that people are so desperate to judge anyone on the basis of looks that they forgets their own looks ) are waiting desperately to comment on your looks . You have to struggle to wipe your face put some more foundation to appear like tube light so that you can lighten the whole world 💋💄💃💅🧕
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The first food served
Oh but I didn’t used to like even the smell of spinach , my original mum used to run after me with my favourite food . 🤬🤯 Actually you hesitate to deny their choices and have to kill your own the first day and it’s like ,😕🤐
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The unknown Room
You were sent to your so called new room . But what’s this, you like the color of those curtains but you love one on yours 🙂 . And so many ladies sitting surrounding you staring at your hands , your face , your hairs , your jewellery . And you have to sit with your eyes down and smile . The walls are nice but you don’t want everything which is nice, you love what is yours . You can not say “ I am so tired , give me some space and I really can’t act smiling more ”.
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Bathroom saga
Oh my God , your new room doesn’t have a bathroom . Actually it’s just because you hesitate a lot and you are all laden with that 7 meters long saree that too heavy , all sorts of gold and diamonds fancy jewellery . And you have to peep everywhere and wait so that there is no man outside .
Biological clock
You are feeling so sleepy by 10 pm , actually you usually sleep by that time . But your in -law family is still awake 🤯🤯😴😴🥱. They seems not even in a mood to sleep within next few hours . Your husband is in the world you have no idea of . You have not even seen him since your first step .
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Children around
The only ones perhaps you can hide your emotions behind are these children . They do not judge you . They got a new member who is shining enough to catch all their attention . They dance around you . You actually want them to be around so that the adults are not nearby thinking you are not alone . Children are innocent . They look beyond saree , jewellery , they love you the way you are . They don’t mind if you laugh with all your teeth outside .
Where is my husband ?
Your husband will be out of your reach and sight once you step . He is shy enough to be a husband infront of his people . He is still a son , a brother but takes long to be a husband infront of his parents and siblings . He believes that you are absolutely okay with his family . He believes that a good sister is a good sister- in -law , a good brother is a good brother- in -law and the best mother and father are the best mother- in- law and father -in -law too respectively. Well this is how you feel initially . 😑🤷 It feels like screaming at his family “ leave my husband ……I too left my family 😭😭”
In the kitchen
Did you ever served your father even with glass of water before ?🤔 Your father used to cook for you and used to scholed your mum if she used to ask me to learn cooking . You were a Raja beta for your father . 💃 But now you have to prove your skills girl . Come on be the best chef . Serve well . You l see yourself cooking malai kofta which you had not even dreamt of 😱🤫.
Long list of expectations for Adarsh Bahu
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She is expected to forget her parents , must have heard of “ over involvement in maayka creates problems ”?
Your parents house is your maayka but your sasural is not maayka but house for your sister -in- laws.
She is expected to obey elders , and love youngers . In the case of any disputes they are always right , she is the one who is at fault .
She should now change herself and adapt according to her in laws
She should not express those opinions which are contrary to their in laws
She should wear , and should like what is approved by their in laws
She should know cooking , washing clothes , keeping the house tidy , looking after everything with perfection besides working for 8–10 hours in office .
She has no right to get tired
Should produce son soon
Should look like the most beautiful infront of relatives
Should not interfere in their decisions .
And I really don’t know where to end .
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Your degrees are useless
No matter how many degrees you have , be ready to accept that they know better . Your sisters- in- law will teach you how things should be done . 😝😝She will always be there to poke you at each and every little stuff . “ Yaha na hum aise nahi khaate , humare yaha na aise hota h , tum na isko aise karo , ab to yaha k hisaab se hi rehna padega". God sometimes you feel to shout “ ye na ab mera ghar hai , aap na taang mat adaao ”😜😜😜🙏🙏. They will leave no chance to convey a direct message to you that they knows and care better your husband .
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Though the coming years witness a lot of differences in both the parties but this is how it feels initially . There are so many misunderstandings , so many quarrels , so many emotions involved . Actually the thing is the process of marriage in our old custom demands a lot from a woman . They do not even give you time to accept , evolve and adjust . But it has pros too , your personality really gets strengthen . You learn to adapt and adjust . You with time gain courage a lot of courage . In the end everything turns beautiful ❤️ . Relationships gets better with time . You learn to raise your voice . You learn to make other understand your opinion . You learn to take stand for yourself . And each and every relation which initially appeared problematic simplifies on its own .